When I was experiencing severe internal turmoil in middle school, the realm of country music became a place of salvation for me. After a long day at school, I could turn on the radio to 96.3 KSCS or 96.7 The Texas Twister and hear their aching voices sing of their endless woes. This kind of introspective music resonated very personally with me. I finally found music that conveyed the sadness that filled my soul. One of the songs that fascinated me was “Letter to Me” by Brad Paisley. This song is about what he would say if he could write a letter to his 17-year-old self.
This song reminded me that there was life beyond my public school teenage years. Paisley muttered to her teenage self: “You have a lot ahead of you. Don’t be afraid. These won’t be the best times of your life.” Those words were incredibly reassuring to me, and they stayed in my mind long after I left 17 years old in the rearview mirror. They have proven to resonate for so long that I have often thought about what I would say to my teenage self if I had the chance as an adult. If I could draw a “Letter to Me”… what would I say to teenage Lisa? What important thoughts, such as love, relationships, and life, would you like to convey to your younger self in a letter?
First of all, I want to tell my 17-year-old self the amazing news that we are actually women. Such a revelation would be both shocking and unsurprising to teenage Lisa. i didn't know
Transgender
People as a larger community full of actual human beings until I got to college. Up to that point, transgender people had been key figures. family guy And an R-rated comedy. I couldn't understand the idea that I could actually be a woman. I, on the other hand, had been participating in a nightly ritual for months as a 14-year-old, and right before going to bed, I would pray to God to wake me up in the morning as a busty 30-year-old. A blonde woman living in Los Angeles. I was always thinking about myself
Femme
'It would be fun to be a woman… Writing letters to my younger self can be an opportunity to impart that language to myself.
That's how important it is
Gender
However, you need to make sure that this letter contains assurances and explanations about the relationship. In high school, especially when I was 17 or 18, I thought relationships were the only way to be “normal.” This self-loathing surrounding autism made me long to be as stereotypically neurotic as possible, including having a girlfriend. Of course, if I were to hold hands with some girl in the school hallway, that would make me feel normal! Asking a girl I like would embarrass myself and others.
Out
Or being my girlfriend in an incredibly awkward way. It was a mess of toxic traits towards others and myself. This messy phenomenon will be a very important part of this letter for me.
also? It's the assurance that what's important to a 17-year-old won't be a problem for life. That was a sentiment my dear Uncle Doug conveyed to me when I was sixteen. But I didn't quite understand it at the time. 'Sure' I thought. 'All of this
Relationship
Disruption is very important… “It feels that way right now!” I would like to write a letter to my younger self to confirm that Uncle Doug is dead. The world you are in now will not last forever. Many of the things that may feel so important here don't matter outside the brick walls. Whenever you start to define your self-worth through a lack of relationships, remember young Lisa. This is not how the real world works.
Of course, it's one thing to tell someone, even your younger self, that what's left in their head and heart doesn't matter. Convincing them of this truth is quite another. To instill this idea in my younger self, I like to present her with some of the important challenges she will experience as an independent adult. Difficult times, including financial difficulties, being harassed by transphobes, and the sudden loss of a family member… do problem. These are difficult things to overcome, but here we are. Inspired by a country song we both love, put your fingers on the keyboard and write this letter to yourself. You survive those things. It can help you survive even temporarily difficult situations, such as relationship problems in high school.
Another thing I want to convince my 17-year-old self is that it's okay to have unrequited love. There is a time, a place, and an appropriate way to express those feelings. But you don't have to feel ashamed or foolish for feeling like you're tweeting about other people. It's a shame that arose during my freshman year of college when I pondered how awkward and intrusive I had behaved toward women my age in high school. I chose to move violently in the opposite direction as penance for this behavior by stigmatizing the idea of cuteness.
Romantic
Enthusiasm in my head. With years of additional experience, I want to encourage teens that self-improvement should not come at the expense of their ability to attract people.
I want to tell teenage Lisa that we are dating! As adults, we went on several dates and even held hands with other women on those outings! A lot happened during my teenage years.
Be disabled
I internalized it. Because I have autism, I thought I would never be able to do certain things, like get a job, move out on my own, or even date. But lo and behold, what was unthinkable in 2014 is no longer uncharted territory for Lisa in 2024. Therefore
Communication
Over time, I like to emphasize to my younger self to imagine what else she could do if she could go on real dates (even bad ones!)! We can do more than we ever imagined while trying to survive our high school math courses.
In addition to giving my teenage self some juicy jokes about the future, I hope to debunk several internalized stigmas in this “Letter to Me” column. Of course, a letter is a finite document. There is no room to deal with each and every neurosis I suffer from! But if we could only defeat one form of self-shame, it would be:
Sex
It is not inherently evil. After years of sex education sessions in public schools and hearing horror stories about “loose women” in church, I shuddered at the thought of engaging in or even talking about physical intimacy. This is not something I overcame within a year or two of high school. I still have a hard time talking about this topic in many public situations!
Explaining the intricacies of how patriarchy and capitalism contribute to the gender-negative headspace ingrained in my brain would be a burden for a 17-year-old. To rationalize things, let me simply say that sex is not an apocalyptic entity, nor is it a glorified trophy that makes you better or more valuable as a human being. It's just another part of life. I will try to generalize this to my younger self in an attempt to break the sensationalist rhetoric about sex that has plagued me my whole life. Like many things in this “Letter to Me,” talking about sex would be an attempt to peel back the layers of anxiety-driven fear I use to access the wider world.
But most of all, what I want to emphasize to my 17-year-old self is that you are just okay. I spent much of my public school life struggling with feelings of inadequacy, self-shame about past transgressions and being “too autistic/”
gay
.” If I could put anything in this letter, I would just like to tell my younger self that it doesn't matter who you are. Eventually, you'll grow up to regularly wear the outfits you've always dreamed of! You can find vocabulary and words that describe your gender! You will discover the most amazing friends who will make your current loneliness a distant memory!
Even before all the exciting future developments, I want to tell my teenage self what I still want to hear today: 'It's okay, it's okay.' You are not mistaken. Who knows, hearing those words from my future self might suddenly make things better for a 17-year-old struggling through a hellish high school. But it couldn't hurt. Surely this “Letter to Me” could have provided me with just the words I needed at the time. Heck, some of the concepts in this letter are still useful reminders for Lisa Laman's reincarnation in 2024! Who knew that such personal reflection could be inspired by the lyrics of a Brad Paisley song? This feat almost makes up for the transphobic Paisley songs of the mid-2000s… .almost.