What do you think depression looks like? Pharmaceutical advertising has taught us that people who walk around with a smile may actually be struggling internally. But do you really understand what it looks like? Feel the same? How do you support someone with depression?
No, I am not a medical professional, counselor, or mental health professional. I am a woman living with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Just when I thought depression was out of my life, she came back for more dancing. Because of this real-life experience, we are going to get real about depression here.
Notice that I refer to my depression as ‘her’ and let her come in and out of my life. I say “she” because I am a woman and depression is a part of me that doesn’t always show itself. Esmerelda is her name and she may be dramatic, but I have to take care of her so I can shine.
What does depression feel like?
Depression is not just sadness or crying. Everything feels difficult. If you're a social butterfly who plans to meet people regularly or use Zoom, none of that might sound appealing. In fact, just one phone call or outing can keep you exhausted for a week. Maybe reading in general fills your cup. Suddenly the book felt too heavy and impossible to understand. Email starts to seem like a scattered, nonsensical mess that is taking over your life. Texting, talking, and all forms of communication can tire you out.
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There are days when I feel sad, frustrated, and just like nothing. happy moments are really cool and It's confusing because I wonder if my depression is just chilling in the background. I think nothingness is the hardest part. I'm waiting for the clock to run out so I can go to bed because I have nothing more to look forward to. Work, school, or family give you an element of purpose to get through your day. It's a good idea to check things off your list. But so far nothing is enough. It can't be because you have a personal rain cloud following you around.
Depression can interfere with sleep. You may be unable to fall asleep, stay asleep, or wake up. And this is not just one or two nights. This can take several weeks at a time. Vivid nightmares can be part of the equation that makes the situation even less peaceful. Just when you think you've figured out how to get back into a routine that works for you, depression changes the music.
Anxiety and Depression Cocktail
Now imagine adding anxiety to this. Many of us experience anxiety on a regular basis, but we may not name it because we're worried we'll be judged, we may not fully understand it, or we may want to put a “label” on ourselves. Honestly, I understand anxiety because it amplifies fear. For those of you who aren't sure what anxiety feels like, imagine it taking over your being. Your body feels tense, you're gritting your teeth, you're overthinking every decision, and your throat feels clogged and your breathing becomes shallow. It puts a comic perspective on anxiety. It's a stressed-out “businessman” named Milton who paces back and forth in a small space, hoping to reach a new destination. (If you are a fan of the movie Office Space, this will be an easy image to understand.)
Matt Haig explains this difficult combination perfectly in Reasons to Stay Alive. “When you have depression, your mind becomes bogged down and you lose momentum. But if there’s anxiety in the cocktail, the swamp is still a swamp, but now the swamp has a whirlpool.” This is fatigue, worry, sadness, fear, tension, confusion and so much more all rolled into one big struggle.
I know this is a lot to take in. And that's just dipping our toes into the experience. But finding that sunlight is very important. It is important for those supporting someone who is depressed to have hope, just as it is for those who are struggling. So I want to give you some advice on how to find that light and become that light.
for those who struggle
- ask for help. This is my top recommendation. We can't do everything ourselves, and we don't have to. Asking for help is a sign of strength. It comes in many forms: therapy, support from loved ones, and investing in your healing journey.
- Meet Gratitude. Write down five things you are grateful for every day. These don't have to be big things, and can be repeated as much as possible. feel happy. One day I was thankful for my fingers helping me type. It may seem silly, but it's probably the little things that make me laugh the most. Read this article when you need a boost.
- setting boundaries. This could be declining an invitation, asking them not to engage in a negative conversation, or telling them what they need right now. There are many ways to do this: politely, directly, and comfortably. Once your boundaries are in place, you can work within the bandwidth and environment that currently serves you.
- Give yourself grace. Depression isn't easy. We can’t just “get out.” You have this! Remember that the bad things you say to yourself are not true. You are great. This moment doesn't last forever.
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For those who apply
- Get used to boundaries. It's not about you. They are designed to help your loved one. It's okay to ask questions so we can better understand what you need.
- Be prepared to do a little more than before.. There may be times when your depressed loved one is unable to cook, clean, or socialize as they normally would. This will pass. The extra help won't go unnoticed. Send your friend a simple thoughtful text that doesn't require a reply. Sometimes I tell myself I feel terrible because I have so many questions that my depressed friend doesn't respond.
- Continue your self-care. You can't help others without filling your own cup. Do what you need to replenish your energy.
- Listen without responding. And as you respond, remind your loved one that this moment is temporary. Please tell me who they really are because it's a lot different than what your depressed mind says. them You have to listen They're still great and great and everything is great.
Mental Health and Healing Journey
Behind this smile is a woman who has spent the last six months or more grappling with Esmerelda's drama. This is one of the reasons #TravelCanHeal exists today. A wellness journey awaits us all. Until my next trip, the tools I've learned and the people I love have made things easier. I hope you find this helpful in your healing journey and that these tips encourage you. memory you are not alone. If you want to learn more about healing journeys and mental health, listen to Through Inspired Eyes.