Whether she listens to music or not, Gisele Bündchen You won't be able to escape Tom Brady's Roast.
tom brady's ex-wife became a major topic of discussion during a two-and-a-half-hour Netflix live special with the host on Sunday, May 5. kevin hart The story begins with a joke about Bündchen and her new boyfriend, a jiu-jitsu instructor. Joaquim Valente.
“Giselle gave you an ultimatum. She said you should retire. Otherwise you are done. But if you get a chance to go 8-9, you have to do it.” Hart said before joking about “f–ked” the coach by Brady. bill belichick Leaving the New England Patriots for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.”You did him a good job. That's right, Tom, you outwitted the coach. But let me tell you something. That's what you have to do to stay happy. You have to f–k your coach sometimes. You know who else fucked up the coach? Giselle. She f–ked that karate guy.”
Hart continued: “I mean Jesus Christ, Tom. One of the smartest quarterbacks to ever play the game. How did you not see this coming? Eight f-king karate classes a day. … After taking eight karate classes a day, she still has her white belt. F–k Tom. The only bruise she had was on her buttocks. “Everyone should have known that.”
Brady and Bundchen, who have two children, separated in 2022 after 13 years of marriage. The supermodel was first spotted with Valente in 2022 but denied the affair. The two were revealed in early 2024. Us Their friendship turned romantic in the summer of 2023.
while Jeff Ross I got on my nerves when he joked about the Patriots owner. Robert Kraft'In the wake of the massage scandal – which left Brady whispering into the microphone, “Never say that again,” Ross also called Brady “a man with so many rings that he could melt them down into a sword and go on a quest.” “I’m trying to get Giselle back from that jiu-jitsu teacher.”
Former Patriots Quarterback Drew Bledsoe — who Brady replaced as the team's starting pitcher in 2001 — joked about how Brady didn't get sacked often throughout his career, saying, “I was pretty used to not getting touched.” “Like when a marriage ends.”
He then joked that there are two experiences that Brady will never have. It was our first round draft pick (Brady was drafted in the sixth round) and our 28th wedding anniversary. “It was yesterday,” Bledsoe said of his wife. maura.
Nikki Glaser — Who was the first person to joke about Brady's past breakup while she was pregnant at the time? Bridget Moynahan — Bündchen never hesitated to tell a joke.
“You have seven rings. Now that Giselle has given hers back, it’s number eight.” Glaser spoke about his seven Super Bowl wins. (Former teammate Randy Moss He told fans to vote on whether Brady would give him his Super Bowl ring or the ring that Bündchen returned.)
Since Brady seemed a little uncomfortable with all the attention from his ex-wife, Glaser pointed out that “the only dumber thing” Brady would do than agree to do this roast would be to tell Gisele to do jiu-jitsu. She then made a NSFW joke about how hard it was knowing “your ex-wife's new boyfriend could be hitting on you while eating hers.”
When things get dark Tom Segura and bert kreischer He said the only difference between Tom Brady and Hitler was that Hitler stuck with his wife until the end, and showed a Photoshopped picture of Hitler with Brady.
former team member Julian Edelman Joking about Brady's many nicknames, including GOAT, he said: “Or as I would like to call him, Leonardo DiCaprio“’s ex-girlfriend’s ex-husband.” (Bündchen and DiCaprio dated from 2000 to 2005.) The wide receiver then joked about Brady's looks and sexual orientation. “When your wife left, I thought about getting rid of my beard, too.”
Andrew Schultz I joked that Brady needed a lawyer. “therefore Dana [White] “Now that you’re here, you can learn how to f—ka a Brazilian for half the money,” he said. “Tom was once asked which of his rings he liked best, and he said, ‘The next one.’ sorry. Those were Giselle’s words. It's my fault.”
Eventually, Brady decided to make fun of the situation and said at the end: :There were a lot of jokes tonight, but I miss the love of my life, football.”
Tom Brady's Roast Currently streaming on Netflix.