I recently got divorced after 14 years. I've lived all over the world and I'm moving to Los Angeles in a month. Over the years, I've built up a wardrobe that represents both the energy of the places I've lived and the lives I've lived with people I once loved. But everything in my life is shrinking. So what do I keep? What do I shed? How do you make these choices? — Donatella in Brooklyn
Not long after actress Ellen Barkin divorced billionaire Ronald Perelman, she <오션스 13>I just started filming. Ms. Barkin decided to sell all the jewelry she acquired during her marriage. Valued at over $15 million.
She told Ruth La Ferla, who wrote about the sale for The New York Times: “This is not a memory I want to tire of every day.
That's an extreme reaction to divorce, but it's also an understandable reaction. Forget Proust’s madeleines. Clothes are repositories of emotions, memories and stories, and simply looking at them can send us sliding down a wormhole into the past. That's partly why we stick with them. They carry an emotional imprint of who we were when we bought or wore them.
That habit is often considered a good thing. This is the custom of wearing a wedding dress, symbolizing a rite of passage. Likewise, my mother-in-law had a rose print dress that had been hanging in her closet for decades. It was a relic of the time when, as a young woman, she sailed across the ocean from Canada to meet Queen Elizabeth II.
However, this practice can backfire if the story told in the material is unsatisfactory. For example, if looking at jeans reminds you of a fight you had with your partner when you wore them, if looking at a certain dress reminds you of bad news, or if a skirt makes you feel betrayed or trapped. That's why when it comes to divorce, magazines like Glamor sometimes run articles like, “Getting over divorce means saying goodbye to all my beautiful clothes.”
In your case, the best approach is to simply look through your closet and see what emotions each piece of clothing evokes. In essence, it is freely associated with clothes. Maybe do it with a friend who can hold each piece while you say what comes to mind. This is a variation of Marie Kondo’s “does this bring me joy” approach. Sort your clothes into piles (storage, disposal) based on the emotions they evoke. If you can't decide, create a third group of possibilities. Eventually, the pain will fade with time, and the now anxiety-filled shirt that once symbolized exploration may one day reappear.
For the discard pile, see Ms. Barkin's page and consider selling clothes in good condition on resale sites like Vestiaire or The RealReal. Doing so will not only help you move on from bad memories, but it will also allow you to benefit from them and use them as a way to take things to the next level. Anything that can't be sold and is still in good condition should be donated. Just because a piece represents something negative to you doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable for someone else, and it may in turn lift their spirits. you.
And don't think of the clothes you can throw away as a sacrifice. You want to organize your closet not only because you're moving to a small apartment, but because it frees up both literal and psychological space for a new you to emerge with a new look. That opportunity is a gift you can give yourself.
Questions and Answers about Your Style
Each week in an open thread, Vanessa will answer fashion-related questions from readers, which you can send to her at any time. email or Twitter. Questions are edited and condensed.