Dad: Thank you for your hard work on Parents’ Day. This Sunday it's your turn to be pampered and hear the nice things your loved ones say about you.
For Father's Day, we asked NPR readers to tell us about the father figures who shaped their lives. You've shared stories about dads who supported your life decisions and careers and who taught you life-long lessons. Others shared stories of how their father's absence shaped their parenting style.
Among them, the most notable answers are:
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
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Dads as Cheerleaders
Abby Henkel Roman of Bloomington, Indiana, said she “never felt shame” about her sexual orientation thanks to her parents. They have been advocates for LGBTQ+ rights long before Henkel Roman came out as a lesbian in college. She said that when she did so, her father “showed his enthusiasm not only by his support, but by talking excitedly about where everyone was on the spectrum.” Besides her wife, Henkel Roman counts her father as her own biggest cheerleader. “From a young age, many of my friends told me that their father was a father figure to them as well, and that her parents' marriage taught them an example of a healthy, loving, long-term relationship,” she said.
When Molly Mamaril thinks of her father, she thinks about how happy he always was to see others succeed. “It’s refreshing to be around someone who sees your joy and success as their own,” she said. “He's not doing those things for attention; he's doing those things because he really wants you to be happy.” Mamaril's father is originally from Hawaii but has lived in Minnesota for more than 30 years. She currently lives in Honolulu and is tracing her family's footsteps to learn more about her own heritage. “My mom and dad fostered a natural curiosity about the world in us. They’re both librarians, so that means a lot.”
Dads as Heroes
Christine Muehe has one word to describe her father. It's Superman. He lost his leg while working on the Santa Fe Railroad in 1970. Nonetheless, he taught Muehe how to ski, change a flat tire, paint a room, and tile a floor. “I often compare him to a mix of Clint Eastwood’s heroic persona, Harrison Ford’s love of adventure and Kevin Costner’s charisma,” she said. “He is my father and he is the best. Our family is blessed to have him in our lives. I hope he knows how much I love him.”
Living in the shadow of Nathan Rudy's father Donald may seem difficult.. “The man with the beard and glasses on his forearms that would make Popeye jealous” is a Korean War Navy veteran. He received a master's degree from Harvard and a doctorate from the University of Washington.
Donald accomplished a lot before Nathan became a teenager. Nevertheless, he I never pressured Nathan to be like him or think like him. “I had the expectation that I would be a good person who would help others in need,” Nathan said. Nathan is now deeply involved in his community and is raising his daughter Kendy to be strong and do what she loves.
Dad as a teacher
Leah Etling's father, William, is an author and longtime newspaper columnist. She followed in her father's footsteps and became a professional writer and editor. She said her father did it her First editor. “We used to have regular screaming matches when she edited my high school essays. For the record, I did most of the screaming.” Etling later said that she realized that the best writing advice she had ever received came from her father. “Keep it easy to understand and concise. And usually you can delete the first two sentences. I was just clearing my throat.”
Julie Ruben of Bay Harbor Islands, Florida, also followed her father's career, but initially resisted. Her father, Leon Gersten, was a teacher who “saw the light” in her and had a mission to teach. Even though he reacted negatively to the idea, it planted a seed. “As I conclude my career, I am so grateful for the amazing, life-changing experiences and opportunities I have had and the lives I have impacted,” she said. “I am proud to have dedicated my time, life and passion to working with children and being an extension of my father,” she said.
Dad (and Mom) who went one step further
Sometimes mothers are also the fathers in our lives. Michael Caine of San Bruno, California, said he sends his mother a gift every year for Father's Day. “She raised me as a single mother, and she had two jobs: mother and father. If you have two jobs, you should get both vacations.” Kane grew up primarily around women. The influence of his mother, grandmother, aunts and others gave him a “testosterone-poor image” of what it meant to be a man. “I intend to be a caregiver, a friend and a supporter, not just a protector,” he said.
Riva Binks of Raleigh, North Carolina, shared how much her husband, Adam, with whom they have three children, means to her. She loved her father, describing him as a “funny, sweet and thoughtful” man. However, her father suffers from bipolar disorder, which can manifest itself negatively. “Adam took on the role of first man that his father was completely unable to manage,” Binks said. “I think my dad was thankful for his son-in-law. I think he knew that Adam had picked up where he left off and helped me slowly pull back and move forward.”
Lessons learned from an absent father
Rebecca Summerlot of Windermere, Florida, has a difficult relationship with her abusive father. “I didn’t intentionally set out to parent my father in a way that was antithetical to everything about how he interacted with me,” she said. “But the score stayed in the back of my mind.” Summerlot says her son, now 11, knows he is loved and valued. She listens when he talks about things that interest him. He knows she's not perfect, and she doesn't expect him to either. “What I realize and am proud of is that the way I raised my son was probably in a way that he would never understand. And that made all the difference.”
Jenn Manning of Attleboro, Massachusetts, hasn't had contact with her father in nearly 20 years. She said she strives to be the opposite of her father, raising her son to “accept his emotions, overcome minor problems, and avoid shame and yelling.” She acknowledged that it was difficult, but still recognized the good things her father gave her, such as her sense of humor and her worthy ethics.