David Malakai Allen is a high school senior from Newark, New Jersey with dreams of becoming a criminal defense attorney. He was president of the Black Student Union at the Newark School for Global Studies. This story was originally published by Chalkbeat. Sign up for our newsletter at ckbe.at/newsletters.
In the eyes of my parents, their parents, and those who came before them, I see the ruins of lives never lived. A life full of laughter, comfort, and comfort. A life that knows little about hardship and hard work. A life that can no longer be separated from the life actually lived.
As I was excavating the ruins, I was reminded of the question Langston Hughes asked in his poem “Harlem.”
What happens to dreams that are postponed?
Will you stop me?
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like an ulcer—
And do you run?
Does it smell like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar and—
Syrup-sweet?
Maybe I'm just sagging
Like a heavy burden.
Or will it explode?
I think this poem is more rhetorical than not, but the answer is anyway: I carry my father's deferred dream firmly on my shoulders. They flowed gently from one person to the next through the generations, like rain through a tree. People often cringe when they hear that I want to become a criminal lawyer. Partly because that was my father's dream when he was my age. They insist that I should live for myself and not for him. What many people don't realize is that there is no greater honor for me than accomplishing what he couldn't do.
My heart wanders when I think about how different my father's life would have been if he had been given the opportunity to pursue his dreams. Growing up, I witnessed firsthand the pure brilliance that radiated from him when we talked about politics, literature, and movies. Here is a man with the keenest intellect. Despite this, the world tries to ignore and ignore him because of his race and economic status.
About 17 years ago I was born David Malakai Allen III. I was named after his father. This name, which now gives me great pride and motivation, wasn't always like that.
When I was young, I thought my name was a curse. I watched my father's long hours working in the warehouse and driving trucks slowly tire him out, exhaust him, and make him somewhat exhausted. I reacted to this observation with fear, even disgust. I thought that by giving me his name, my father was also bequeathing his future to me. The future of scaled-back ambitions and dreams is left to the next generation. These thoughts soon fueled anger that festered for years.
Then, during my first year of high school, I took on a project centered on the meaning of my name. I sat down with my father and discussed our list of questions, and his answers shocked and moved me at the same time.
He told me that he had given me a last name, but that he chose it with the Biblical story of King David in mind. This story beautifully illustrates the idea that a person is capable of much more than he or she knows, and that with unwavering faith in God, any obstacle can be overcome.
My father told me from the moment he first held me that he knew I was born to accomplish great things. Naming me David Malakai Allen III not only imbued me with a resilient spirit, but also gave me the assurance that he and my grandfather would be there with me when the great things I wanted to accomplish were achieved.
Now, with high school graduation and college admission just a few months away, I feel tremendous pride in being the first person in my family to graduate from college. When I was young, the pressure of carrying on my family's legacy was debilitating. As I have grown, I believe there is no greater blessing than seeing those who came before me achieve things they never thought possible.
Regarding the question posed by Langston Hughes: Sometimes, I think I watched and prayed for the deferred dream to become a seed, planted in the ground, and hopefully bloom. In the eyes of my parents and ancestors, I see their dreams shattered, but I also see mine. I see the ability to right the wrongs of generations and enable my children to live in a world where dreams have no end.
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