![Two red felt hearts are balanced on top of two piles of gold coins on a light blue background, representing people in a romantic relationship merging their finances.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/600x337+0+0/resize/1100/quality/85/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F98%2F30%2F01c57b1149e789eada62c85421fc%2Fgettyimages-1294710830-wide-5b582badacb7497872af5bcf5cd806a55ab430b8.jpg)
Joint bank account or separate? The approach you choose will depend on you and your partner's financial history and goals, says financial therapist Lindsay Brian-Podvin.
Pixelimage/Getty Images/iStockphoto/Pixelimage/Getty Images
Hide caption
Caption transition
Pixelimage/Getty Images/iStockphoto/Pixelimage/Getty Images
If you're in a serious romantic relationship, you and your partner may be wondering how to combine your finances. Should you share a joint bank account? Do you want to keep your accounts separate? Do you combine both?
The path will vary depending on you and your partner's financial goals and history. So before you decide, have an open and honest conversation, “ideally before any relationship-changing event happens, like moving in together or buying a car together,” says Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, financial therapist and author of The Financial Anxiety Solution. says:
![Social etiquette for lending money](https://media.npr.org/assets/img/2024/05/06/lk_lending_harlan_iou_sq-43c4fc2c3338648ebd6ea6f0bfead25823117c82.jpg?s=100&c=100&f=jpeg)
Talking about money can be awkward, but it can also strengthen your relationship. “We’re strengthening our relationship. We’re dreaming and planning for our future together,” she adds.
Bryan-Podvin talks to Life Kit about what it means to successfully integrate your finances with your partner, the advantages of each approach, and strategies for success. This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
There seem to be many benefits to sharing a joint bank account. 1 large-scale study in 2023 We found that couples who put all their money in one place were happier. They stayed together longer than couples who kept some or all of their money separate. Why do you think that is?
My hypothesis is that it reduces the likelihood of financial infidelity. One of the biggest problems in marital fighting ~is Financial secrecy can occur when you have completely separate accounts. Maybe someone has a huge credit card debt or a personal loan. Or maybe they have a bad credit score and aren't working to improve it. [If you have a joint bank account]Your partner is [on these issues] From the beginning.
For this reason, it is a good idea for couples to share joint accounts.
Having a completely joint account feels good because it allows couples to spend, save, and talk about it very openly.
![Prenups aren't just for the rich and famous. Here are some things to consider:](https://media.npr.org/assets/img/2023/08/30/gettyimages-450772671_sq-72cb61e2285fa4b5bdcc52288921e0fd4ca5e0d9.jpeg?s=100&c=100&f=jpeg)
You also like what the financial world calls the “theirs, mine, ours” approach, where couples have a joint account for joint spending and separate accounts for personal spending.
“Theirs, mine, and ours” can work really well when most of your money is shared. You [can use your joint account to] Pay your bills and rent on time, and save for future goals. But each of you has a little money that you can spend as you wish without having to text your partner, “Can I buy a new pair of shoes?” None of us want to feel controlled by our partner, so it’s important to have financial autonomy.
Are there situations where it makes sense to have separate accounts?
If you have experienced financial abuse or seen someone steal someone else’s credit or identity, you may feel strongly that you need to share your money with someone else. If so, it makes sense to keep your finances separate.
And I think it's important for people who have gone through a divorce or separation to maintain separate bank accounts for financial protection, or “what's yours, what's mine, what's ours.” [to avoid assets getting mixed up with court proceedings for example].
![Life Kit Episodes That Will Get You Closer to Financial Independence](https://media.npr.org/assets/img/2021/07/08/lk_money_harlan_sq-c2b65fe4e4bc9dff1f14c65e73942f052c30a7a7.jpg?s=100&c=100&f=jpeg)
Is it possible to split everything 50/50 in a relationship?
The idea of splitting everything 50-50 makes sense in theory, but we don’t live in a theoretical world. Just because you earn the same amount of money doesn’t necessarily mean you have the same financial background. For example, one partner might have $150,000 in student loans. And one person might do more emotional labor or more housework.
So it's really important to take all of this into consideration. I think like this. [a couple’s finances] Like a big old soup. Everything goes into the pot and it's all mixed up so it's really hard to know who got what.
So how do you figure out which of these three approaches is right for you: joint accounts, 'theirs, mine, ours' and separate accounts?
Have a conversation about money. Don’t just ask, “What’s your credit score?” Ask, “How much money do you make?” Also ask, “What have you learned about money? What are you proud of doing financially? What do you wish you could do better financially?” Get a clear understanding of your relationship with money by figuring out what’s important to your partner.
Experiment. Maybe we could try to save up all our money for three months and see what it feels like to pay our bills automatically. If it's really stressful for one of us, sit down and say, “Isn't there something else we can do to make this feel less stressful?”
Give yourself a chance to see if you are on the same page emotionally and financially, and remember that none of this is set in stone. You are trying to figure out how to merge your finances with someone else, which is already a difficult skill for independent adults. It is completely normal to experience growing pains along the way.
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Please leave a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email LifeKit@npr.org.
Listen to Life Kit Apple Podcasts and spotifyAnd join our Newsletter.