bloodImagine this: It's a regular work day and you decide to leave the office for lunch. As you bypass your colleagues in the cafeteria, you overhear them spreading rumors about them. It may be easier to dismiss this behavior as harmless workplace gossip, but it is actually a form of adult bullying. And according to mental health experts, it can be just as distressing as childhood bullying.
In layman's terms, adult bullying is “an act of intimidation,” says Dr. Shairi Turner, chief health officer of Crisis Text Line, a national nonprofit that provides free treatment 24/7. Adult bullying refers to 'acts that threaten someone physically, emotionally or verbally' and can happen in person or online. It can happen in friendships, work dynamics, and even romantic relationships.
Unfortunately, adult bullying has become so common that most adults are unaware of this behavior. A recent survey from the American Osteopathic Association found that 43% of adults believe bullying has become more acceptable. However, we can reduce the rise in adult bullying by understanding and identifying bullying behaviors. Below, we'll cover the basics of adult bullying and how victims and bystanders can deal with it.
How to Identify Adult Bullies
Identifying adult bullies can be difficult. Because their behavior is often more subtle and subtle than child bullying. To identify adult bullies, you must first understand their intimidation tactics. Adult bullies want to shame and antagonize their victims, and they often do so through passive-aggressive comments, the silent treatment, and sarcastic jokes, says Jeff Yu, a marriage and family therapist at Moment of Clarity Mental Health Center. .
Another common example of adult bullying is body shaming. “I don’t really like this top,” may seem like friendly advice, but it’s usually an insult in disguise. The premise of these comments, Yu says, is the bully's attempt to give himself cheap praise at the expense of the bully.
Bullies want to intimidate their victims, so they will jokingly insult or tease them to make them feel better, adds Yu. They will then use defensive phrases like “I’m kidding” or “I’m joking” to make the victim believe that their joke is not harmful or mean.
Other signs of adult bullying:
- Intentionally exclude yourself from conversations or events.
- Threatening or menacing remarks
- physical threat
- the silent treatment
- Ignoring personal boundaries
- Backhanded compliments or jokes
- Using shame or judgment as a weapon
Types of Adult Bullying
The most common form of adult bullying is verbal bullying, but there are many other types, including physical bullying and workplace bullying. Read ahead to learn about the different ways adult bullying can manifest itself.
verbal harassment
Kevin Belcastro, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist at San Diego Mental Health Center, defines verbal harassment as “calling names, ridiculing an individual, spreading gossip or lies about the individual, using gaslighting, and passive aggression.” do. declaration.” Examples of verbal harassment include body shaming and racist attacks.
physical harassment
Physical bullying is using one's body or a physical object to intimidate another person, Belcastro says. Invading someone's personal boundaries through unwanted physical contact or destroying someone's personal items are examples of physical harassment.
cyberbullying
Cyberbullying, one of the common forms of bullying, is defined as “hurtful messages, embarrassing content, or rumors” delivered through online messaging mediums such as social platforms or email. Unlike verbal or physical bullying, where the interaction is interpersonal, cyberbullying occurs anonymously. The lack of virtual liability makes this more harmful and dangerous, says Dr. Turner.
workplace bullying
“Workplace bullying can occur in individual or group settings, where the bully may feel that they are constantly being bullied by the individual or group of bullies,” says Belcastro. He goes on to say that this can look like chronic criticism or repetitive gossip. The premise of workplace bullying, Belcastro explains, is “singling out a target, interfering with or taking credit for the target individual's work, and ignoring the target individual's boundaries.”
Can my friend bully me?
Bullying can occur in any relationship, including friendships. Yu says that joking around can be a sign of bullying, where her friend insults another friend in an argument or degrades her. Someone loses, feelings get hurt, and the vicious cycle continues.
Friendship bullying can look like social isolation (withholding invitations to social events), ignoring comments, passive-aggressive behavior, or even cyberbullying.
What causes bullying?
There is no single reason why someone is bullied or engages in bullying behavior, but there are commonalities, such as childhood trauma and anxiety, that explain their behavior. For example, Dr. Turner says, if you look at the perpetrator's background, you may find that “they have been on the receiving end of a parent or overly authoritarian figure.”
Some bullies were once victims of their own bullying and turned to bullying to regain control. Sometimes they may bully to gain confidence or use bullying behavior as a coping mechanism, adds Belcastro.
What are some common misconceptions about bullying?
The most common misconception about adult bullying is that bullying is always intentional. that ~can do That's not true in all cases, Belcastro says. “Sometimes these behaviors are maladaptive coping mechanisms that the offender uses as a means to cope with current stressors,” explains Belcastro. “This may be passive-aggressive statements, engaging in the use of microaggressions, and other behaviors.”
Another common misconception is that victims are sensitive and have a victim mentality. In fact, words can be hurtful, no matter your age. Not all jokes should be disguised as humor. This is especially true if the joke is demeaning or belittling.
What are the effects of bullying on mental health?
Both bullies and victims experience harmful psychological effects, including an increased risk of self-harm and anxiety, Dr Turner says. In particular, victims experience higher rates of anxiety and depression and experience physical changes such as hair loss and changes in appetite. outcast was displayed inOne It lowers self-esteem and affects the victim's social skills. Additionally, workplace bullying can reduce productivity and work ethics, adds Dr. Turner.
Results2 The long-term effects of bullying on mental health are overwhelmingly negative. Bullying has been linked to lower odds of finding a job and even higher odds of dying before age 55.
How to Deal with Adult Bullying
Typically, when a child is bullied, authority figures and school administrators intervene. But what happens when an adult is bullied? Adult bullying is complex because it comes in many forms, from interpersonal to online.
In cases of workplace bullying, you can contact Human Resources to stop the harassment and threats. In the case of friendships or romantic partnerships where the intimidation is one-on-one, it is up to the individual being bullied to stop the behavior. Whatever the cause of the bullying, here are some steps victims can take to stop adult bullying:
1. Set firm boundaries
Boundaries are important in any relationship. Setting boundaries helps you know what is and isn't okay in a relationship, whether you're an abuser or not. When a bully violates your boundaries, he or she will find that their permission to approach you has been revoked.
2. Keep your distance
Belcastro recommends providing space away from bullies. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially in the workplace. When dealing with workplace bullying, Dr. Turner says to communicate with your manager or human resources representative and ask for space away from the bully. This may mean moving to a different team or even changing desks.
Picking your battles is also important. Bullying is a stressful experience, and being bullied can lead to heightened negative emotions. Sometimes it is better to keep your distance and avoid interaction.
3. Don’t take it personally
It is difficult not to take the abuser's words personally. Words hurt! But try not to internalize the abuser's behavior, Belcastro says. “Try not to internalize and take the bully’s behavior personally by making an effort to understand that the bully’s problem is their problem, not yours,” he says. “It’s important to work on maintaining your confidence and standing firm in your truth.”
How to Respond to Bullying as a Bystander
It may be tempting to mind your own business in tense social situations, but this is not the time to stand by and ignore adult bullying. Witnesses to bullying should de-escalate the situation or confront the bully if it is safe and appropriate. By not doing so, Belcastro says, those around them end up tolerating the abuser's behavior.
It takes courage to respond to bullying as a bystander. It's not easy. But when one person steps forward and supports another person who is scared, it means you are not alone, says Dr. Turner.
If you want to confront a bully but aren't sure what to do, here are some tips:
- Reach out to the person being bullied and let them know that help is available.
- Stay away from the conversation by changing the subject.
- Defend the victim by asking questions or publicly criticizing the bully for their actions.
- Report harassment to Human Resources or your manager.
When to seek professional help
If the harassment continues despite taking the steps above, it may be time to get someone in higher authority involved, such as your workplace's human resources department or, in extreme cases, the local police department. If you are at immediate risk of physical harm or are experiencing repeated harassment, you may be able to file a restraining order to legally prohibit the harasser from contacting you.
Because bullies threaten their victims through isolation, it is important to seek support, whether through a trusted friend or a therapist. A trusted friend can listen to your struggles, but a therapist can help you process what has happened and help you “work on increasing your positive sense of self and confidence in order to set boundaries with the abuser.” You can, says Belcastro. Ultimately, if bullying is affecting your mental and physical state, it may be time to see a therapist. Remember: You don’t have to deal with bullying alone. There are mental health professionals you can trust who can help you overcome bullying and prevent it from recurring.
If you or someone you know is currently being bullied or abused and is in immediate danger, you can call or text 988 to speak to a representative from the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Well+Good articles reference scientific, credible, recent and robust research to support the information we share. You can trust us on your wellness journey.
- Dou, Yunru et al. “Bullying victimization moderates the association between social skills and self-esteem in adolescents: A cross-sectional study in international schools.” Children (Basel, Switzerland) volume. 9,11 1606. October 22, 2022, doi:10.3390/children9111606
- Blanchflower, David G, and Alex Bryson. “What are the consequences for adults if they are bullied as children?” Social Sciences and Medicine (1982) Volume 345 (2024): 116690. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2024.116690