How many times have you tried and failed to get your colleagues to come up with ideas? Maybe you want your team to experiment with new workflows, but they're stuck with old systems and may not agree with your suggestions. You might come up with an idea for how to present to your client, but no one will agree with you.
In the early stages of your career, people don't just listen; agree to or Act Your ideas or views may be difficult. This is often the time when you have the least influence and are still building your reputation. The moment you try to convince someone to look or act your way, you can use the skills you learned or socialized as a default. That means making rational arguments based on data and being persistent in the face of challenges. , and projects confidence.
Unfortunately, in the workplace, this approach isn't always enough and can even be counterproductive. When other people seem resistant to your ideas, there are usually deeper beliefs or concerns informing their views. This is something they don't say out loud. If you keep throwing facts and figures at them in an attempt to change their minds, it will be difficult to understand what is really driving their resistance. Not only does this make it difficult to address their concerns, but it also cuts you off from new perspectives that could help you learn and improve your thinking.
In these situations, you may see better results if you aim to understand the other person's reasoning rather than trying to explain your own. The important thing is to ask the right questions.
Here are four common obstacles you may face when trying to get someone to change their mind, agree with you, or act on your idea, and some surprisingly powerful questions that can turn those barriers into breakthroughs. Each strategy may feel counterintuitive at first, but with practice, you will grow more confident and gain unexpected insights.
Obstacle #1: When someone resists your ideas or views but won't tell you why.
Have you ever encountered quiet resistance? Maybe you're working with a colleague who doesn't explicitly challenge your recommendations, but doesn't act on them either. Or maybe you've proposed what you think is a good idea for a product improvement to your manager, but it doesn't make sense. In these moments, it's natural to push harder to restate the concept with more supporting data and encouragement. But there is a better way.
How to overcome it:
Instead of holding back, ask for the other person's genuine reaction to what you are saying. This may sound as simple as:
- How did this idea actually come to you?
- What is your reaction to what I suggest?
You can go further by explicitly asking for responses that challenge your reasoning.
- What do you see as the strengths and weaknesses of this idea?
- What potential drawbacks am I overlooking?
We tend to assume that people will let us know if they have concerns about what we are pursuing. But since no one explicitly said disagree Just because they agree with you doesn't mean they agree. Asking for their reactions can greatly increase your chances of uncovering the obstacles that are preventing them from taking the action you want. You may find some loopholes in your thinking. And pausing to ask for someone's response shows that you care not only about what they will do, but also what they think and feel.
Obstacle #2: When you trust the other person person That's the problem (contrary to what you think).
We've all had the experience of someone rejecting our idea or solution to a problem. In these situations, your instinct may be to think, “What’s wrong with this person?” “Why would they reject a new workflow idea that would benefit us all?”; “Why were they so quick to reject a proposal I had spent months preparing and completely ignore all the research supporting it?”
How to overcome it:
Your instinct may be to respond by pointing out flaws in the other person's logic. Instead, try to see what they see. Ask questions that uncover deeper beliefs, interests, and experiences that inform your position, such as:
- Please tell us more about your concerns…
- What are examples of risks you are concerned about?
- Can you share a story about a time you saw something like this go wrong in the past?
You will often find that underneath someone's words, there is a vast amount of information and experience that causes that person to react the way they are. Based on their answers, you can find out why their point of view is perfectly valid. To them.
For example, you may have found that when a colleague changed their workflow in the past, data sharing across the team became complicated. Or, you may find that your customer knows about factors at the forefront that your proposal fails to consider. Once you see what they're seeing, you can update your views or present a more tailored argument. At the very least, you can work with them to address their concerns.
Obstacle #3: When the conversation becomes too tense to be productive.
Draw a picture. You are a marketing consultant, and you and a colleague are discussing how to help your clients promote their products on social media. We've come up with an idea we both like, and now we're discussing how to present it. This could be their first big win as a team and they are both very excited. But after only a few minutes, the conversation starts to get tense. Based on previous discussions with customers, we believe they prefer informal conversations. Your colleague, on the other hand, believes that a more formal presentation containing clear, structured data is the best way to present.
As the conversation progresses, you feel like your coworker is not listening. They are just waiting for their turn to speak. They keep repeating the same thing and not acknowledging it. you are to make. You also notice that you are doing the same thing to them.
How to overcome it:
In these situations, it is helpful to pause for a moment and make sure you understand what the other person is saying. Instead of returning the next volley, summarize what they said and “answer” them. Then make sure you understand it correctly.
- Let’s check before we continue… I have heard people say that they believe ____ for ____ reasons. Yes?
- It seems like your biggest concern is _____. Am I understanding correctly?
- I think you think the best way to move forward is to _____ because _____. How close is it to what you think?
This simple strategy is powerful because it breaks point-counterpoint dynamics and slows things down. This will ensure that you actually understand the point you are arguing. Often you will find that you have misheard or misunderstood something important. This important information can lead to the breakthrough you both need.
More importantly, the dynamic of the conversation is shifting from adversarial to collaborative. You're showing how much you care about getting on the same page. There you are more likely to find common ground.
Obstacle #4: When their reaction to your idea gets you in trouble.
Sometimes someone else’s “no” puts you between a rock and a hard place. Even though the budget proposal is due the next day, someone may reject your proposal for ways to reduce project costs and not offer an alternative. Or, you may have to deal with a difficult project that requires additional resources even though your request for those resources was denied.
In these situations, you inevitably get stuck and unsure of what to do next. If there are no better options on the table, it may be tempting to present another argument with supporting evidence to crush the objection. However, this approach leaves you arguing between options A or B instead of working with your opponents to find options C, D, and E.
How to overcome it:
This is when it is helpful to solicit input from others who may offer perspectives you may not have considered. Start by disclosing your dilemma. Share the problems you face because of their disagreements, then pose questions that encourage them to work through them with you. For example:
- I'm worried that if I don't do what I'm suggesting or find a better alternative, I'll run out of time and resources. How would you approach this dilemma?
- There might be another way to look at this than what I saw.Are you considering it?
- If you were in the same situation as me, how would you get through this?
Admitting that you're not sure what to do and asking for help can feel vulnerable, but there's real power in doing so. Not only can you help the other person have more empathy for the problem you're going through, but you're also more likely to come up with something even better than your original idea.
In all of these cases, the path to breakthroughs comes from leveraging the insights of people collaborating. We are all surrounded by collective intelligence, but too often this wisdom remains hidden unless we ask for it. Of course, once you ask, listen deeply to their answers and be prepared to learn from them.
If you can add these skills to your tool belt, you'll find that many of your toughest moments can stop you on your way to new breakthroughs.