Dear We are Teachers,
This is my second year teaching 7th grade. This marks my second year covering the antics of middle school boys. Last year, I groaned. This year, the boys are seen touching their thighs together under their desks. I told them to stop. I said the noise was inappropriate. Teachers at my school were basically told that all behavior problems were problems for us (the teachers) to solve. This is disgusting and unpleasant. What should I do?
— Save me from hitting
Dear SMFTS,
If this was just a fart noise, I would simply express condolences about the occupational hazards I face as a middle school teacher. God speed.
But since this is an inherently sexual sound (this is my first time hearing a thigh slap 😳), I will do three things:
- First, engage each student individually during lunch. Ask your parents to contact you on speakerphone. Have them recreate the noise they make over and over again in class. Ask the parent to explain to the student what it means and why he or she continues to do so even after being asked to stop. It may be tempting to avoid awkwardness, but lean in. They're expecting you to feel awkward because they don't have to take responsibility for their actions. “Can you explain to Mom what that sound means? She said I told her to stop and she said why is she doing that? We do this in our class, but is there a reason we don't do it during class? [another teacher’s]?” Make them squirm.
- If the problem persists, please email AP and let them know that you have tried to handle it yourself but to no avail. Mention that the behavior makes you extremely uncomfortable and distracts you from teaching. Importantly, ask who your school's Title 9 coordinator is in case you need to file a complaint later.
- My guess is that the administrator will intervene very quickly after #2. If not, file a Title IX complaint.
I'm sure there are students in your class who feel uncomfortable. These students (and you!) are too precious not to protect them at all costs now. I don't have time to play.
Dear We are Teachers,
I teach high school students and my AP is constantly involved in meetings that can be resolved with a simple, “No, we are not meeting about this.” In my conversations with my parents, I made it clear: We can help your child pass as long as he or she works. And yet, every week I have to meet with parents who want a “game plan” on how their child can pass my classes. The “game plan” is always the same. Get the job done! It doesn't have to be a meeting. Your child needs to have a meeting. literally nothing. Can I refuse to meet because of this issue?
—New game plan
Dear FOOGP,
I don't know if I could refuse to meet my parents. But you can certainly take steps to (hopefully) reduce the number of parents you have to meet.
Create a Google Doc or some kind of landing page with FAQs related to the “game plan” you need to keep filling out. Instead of answering these questions directly at the meeting, we'll put them in this document so interested parents can get answers before April (*checks in*). Think about the types of questions you hear over and over again. for example:
- My child is failing. How can I improve my grades?
- How do I sign up for office hours/tutorials?
- What types of additional credits do you offer?
- What advice can you give to students who are behind in their studies?
Provide links to anything they might need to complete the task without your involvement. School management system. procedure. resource. Stay out of your email inbox as much as possible. Finally, it is executed by the AP/Principal. Before sending your idea, make sure they support it.
Now, the next time a parent emails and asks, “Can we set up a time to meet? I just saw Johnny failing and I would love a game plan.” “It will be nice to meet you. We have time next Wednesday at 10am. In the meantime, I will write and send you a document containing FAQs on this topic that may answer some of the questions you might have.”
Parents will be happy to not have to make special trips to school and will be delighted to have conference days back. (Who knows? Some work might get submitted.)
Dear We are Teachers,
I am a disabled person who is currently obtaining teacher certification to teach middle school science. I am gay (but not openly gay at school). Students regularly use homophobic slurs to my face. When I spoke to the grade-level AP, he agreed that it was unacceptable, but encouraged me that he was “glad it wasn't something worse,” and that his hands were tied as far as being able to punish them. He hinted that there would be a backlash from parents because this was a “political” issue. What should I do? I am worried that if I make a big deal out of this, I will not be able to get a job at this school or in the district.
—Still dealing with middle school bullying.
Dear SDWMSB,
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Common respect and human decency are not political issues. I will forward this question to a teacher I trust in the LGBTQ community to help you get the best answer.
“I am a black, gay teacher in Texas. So I understand your frustration on a personal level. I will send this exact email to your principal and cc it to AP.
“I wanted to follow up on the conversation we had. [date] with [AP] About students making sexual comments and slurs at me. Even though I told them to stop, the students continued to do this. I want the ongoing bullying to end because it is affecting my ability to concentrate and feel safe. Thank you in advance for investigating this report of a hostile work environment.”
“I know filing a complaint can be scary, but think of it this way. If your school or district turns a blind eye when you are being bullied… Is that school or district one you really want to work for? Likewise, what you say could be the push we need to make schools safer for both teachers and students.”
Hope this helps! If not, I would tell you to get out of there and not even look back.
Do you have any questions? Please email askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We are Teachers,
I have been teaching AP U.S. History for the past 12 years. Last semester, after my students continued to express surprise that certain states existed, I gave them a diagnostic quiz and asked them to label a map. Of the 130 students, FIVE could be labeled in all 50 states. So a few weeks ago I had my students learn the 50 states outside of the regular curriculum. A group of parents sent me emails calling me “sadistic,” “demeaning,” and “petty.” I am lying on the floor. My manager supports me, but this may be my breaking point. Are other teachers seeing this too? I don't think anyone at my school was surprised.
—Seriously from Illinois