Have you ever had a wet dream? We took a closer look at why that happens.
In recent years, the expression “wet dream” has come to mean something surprising.
Imagine people saying things like “This lineup is a coach’s wet dream” or “This movie is a movie buff’s wet dream” in a sports context. It's meant to imply something so awesome that it's hard to even imagine.
However, there is no guarantee that wet dreams will be a particularly pleasurable experience for people who experience them in real life.
In fact, ejaculating during sleep (also known as nocturnal emissions) can be just as confusing and frustrating as the old-fashioned way of wetting the bed.
Related: Unrealistic Penile Expectations Lead to Sexual Anxiety
Your body is doing something to you while you're sleeping without your knowledge or consent, and it's you, awake, who has to deal with the consequences, including cleaning up the mess.
Nonetheless, in the end it still matters. It is an experience inextricably linked to the greatest physical pleasure.
So what exactly is a wet dream? Who does this happen to and can we prevent it from happening? To answer these questions and more, AskMen spoke with a few sex experts. Here's what they said:
What is a wet dream?
“Wet dreams (also known as nocturnal emissions) are when a person involuntarily orgasms while sleeping,” says Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., scientific advisor at Lovehoney. “This is called a ‘wet’ dream because the individual may wake up to find a wet spot on the bed or pajamas due to circumstances.”
If you have a penis, this ejaculate consists of semen, but Lehmiller points out that wet dreams “can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, although men are more likely than women to report the experience.”
Despite the name, wet dreams are not always associated with erotic or sexual dream situations. “It could also be caused by some type of friction in bed at night,” says sex educator Debra Laino.
Masturbating to orgasm in bed is normal and healthy, and can even function as a sleep aid, but it's not the same thing as nocturnal emissions. Laino also clarified that wet dreams occur when a person is asleep, so traditionally wet dreams “occur without any passive stimulation.”
Are wet dreams a bad sign?
If you've never dreamed before, waking up and realizing you had a wet dream can be an unpleasant experience, but there's nothing to worry about.
“Wet dreams are not inherently bad or harmful,” says Dr. Jagan Kansal, a urologist and founder of Down There Urology. “This is a normal and natural phenomenon that often occurs during adolescence and continues into adulthood. This is part of the sexual development process for many individuals. “Experiencing wet dreams is a normal aspect of sexual health and there is no need to be embarrassed or embarrassed about it.”
Ultimately, organizing can be the worst part, says BIPOC sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sex expert for sexual wellness brand/retailer Lovers.
“Wet dreams aren’t a bad thing, as long as you don’t like the mess,” she says. “In most cases, people enjoy erotic things in their dreams. Having a sense of security, especially in dreams, can heighten the eroticism factor. Wet dreams are great for relieving stress, recognizing someone’s erotic subconscious desires, and activating erotic goals you never knew existed in your conscious mind.”
Why do wet dreams happen?
“The exact reason why wet dreams occur is not fully understood, but it is generally believed that they are a result of hormonal changes and the body's natural sexual maturation process,” says Kansal. “During puberty, the body goes through significant hormonal fluctuations and sexual thoughts and fantasies become more prevalent. These factors may contribute to the occurrence of wet dreams.”
In fact, wet dreams aren't the only thing your penis can do while you sleep.
“Our genitals are actually surprisingly active while we sleep!” Lehmiller says: “We typically go through stages 4 or 5 of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep at night, during which time both the penis and clitoris experience erections that last on average for about 30 minutes.”
“This is thought to be a result of various hormonal and neurotransmitter fluctuations that occur during sleep,” he adds. “Specifically, during the REM cycle there is an increase in testosterone and various brain chemicals involved in regulating sexual arousal, and these chemicals can sometimes trigger wet dreams.”
As Dr. Kansal points out, there isn't yet enough information about wet dreams to know for sure. Other factors that may play a role in experiencing wet dreams, Lehmiller said, include “having particularly intense sexual dreams, hormonal surges during puberty, sleeping positions that put more pressure on the genital area, and staying awake for a long time before orgasm.” He points out that there are “things that were not done.”
How common are wet dreams?
“Wet dreams are pretty common,” says Stewart. “This happens a lot during puberty because of the hormonal surge and the different ways people can find excitement in their daily lives.”
In fact, some data suggests that most people have experienced it at least once in their lifetime, but not more.
“A nationally representative survey of American adults found that the majority (53%) had experienced at least one orgasm while sleeping,” says Lehmiller. “However, most people said this was a very rare experience and they reported no more than five such orgasms in their lifetime.”
Of course, there's nothing to worry about if you've never experienced it before.
“Frequency can vary greatly from person to person, and some people may experience it frequently while others may not experience it at all,” says Kansal. “It is important to note that the absence of wet dreams during puberty does not mean that there is anything wrong or a cause for concern.”
Related: 7 Ways to Improve Male Orgasm
Nonetheless, wet dream experiences seem to peak in the early teens.
“We know from other research that reports of wet dreams are most common during adolescence and become less common with age,” says Lehmiller, noting that many people experience their first wet dream “at about age 14.”
“Older men can have wet dreams too,” she explains. “It is important to remember that some men may not have wet dreams during puberty and may develop them later in life.”
And if you experience wet dreams as an adult, the frequency “can depend on a variety of factors,” says Kansal, “including a person's biology, level of sexual activity, and overall health.”
Either way, there's no indication that wet dreams are in “unhealthy” amounts.
How to prevent wet dreams
If you've experienced more than your fair share of wet dreams and are tired of them, or would rather never experience them in the first place, you might want to ask yourself the following questions: Is it possible to prevent it?
“Unfortunately, there is no way to prevent wet dreams from occurring in a guaranteed way,” says Stewart.
However, there may be ways to reduce the likelihood of this happening. This can be useful, for example, if you're not sleeping at home and want to be sure you won't mess up someone else's sheets. Don't simply enjoy the experience of waking up.
First off, Laino says that if you've watched a lot of brain-stimulating sexual content but haven't had an orgasm, that may be a factor, and if you stop engaging in porn or erotica, you may be less likely to orgasm. Wet dreams occur.
Conversely, if you engage in sexual content, you may try to masturbate to climax.
“If you want to experience fewer wet dreams, masturbating until you reach orgasm during the day or before bed is one self-help strategy you can try,” says Lehmiller. “If we can induce a refractory period before sleep, it is likely that wet dreams are less likely to occur.”
Either way, Kansal notes, it's useful to remember that wet dreams “are a normal part of sexual development and should not be considered a problem or something to be overly concerned about.”
“If you have specific concerns or questions, it is always best to consult with a healthcare professional who can provide tailored guidance and support,” he adds.
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