Do feet turn you on? you are not alone
One of the best and most disappointing! — The wonder of the human body is that no two people are created exactly the same. Even identical twins have unique characteristics that differ from their mirror image. That's why there's no one-size-fits-all methodology when it comes to finding a new partner or finding ways to turn yourself on. Instead, discovering your fetish, no matter how harmless, simple, or strange it may seem, is essential to enjoying a healthy, indulgent, and satisfying sex life.
Related: AskMen's Kinks List: Top 10 Fetishes
One fetish that is widely talked about but little understood is the foot fetish. In fact, mentioning your big toe or glamorous ankles will probably raise an eyebrow from anyone you're dating. In other words, there is nothing wrong or sinful about being attracted to feet. Just as some men like a woman's backside more than her breasts, and some men like long legs or full, voluminous hair, other men find feet attractive.
If you think you're having these fantasies, don't worry. The more you know about your foot fetish, the more empowered you will be to act on it. Here's everything you need to know about giving in to impulses.
What exactly is a foot fetish?
Although references to comedies and some low-quality porn might suggest that foot fetishes are only for the geeks of the world, foot fetishes are actually quite common and rather simple. Sex expert Coleen Singer defines it this way: “Foot fetishism, also called foot paraphilia, is a heightened and specific sexual interest in feet and/or shoes. “It is the most common form of sexual fetishism for non-sexual objects or body parts, and is more prevalent among men than women.”
Not only is it a very common fetish, it is one that requires no other objects and is not potentially dangerous to engage in. It just means that a foot element is added to the usual sexual activities such as handjobs, oral sex, and intercourse.
What does sex life with a foot fetish look like?
For someone with a foot fetish, bare feet can be much more erotic and powerful than seeing a naked woman. That's because certain parts of her body have the same power over you that other men would find less hot than the curves of her back. If you're in a relationship where your girlfriend accepts your foot fetish, that means you both make an effort to incorporate foot play into your daily routine. “A person with a foot fetish may become sexually aroused by licking their feet, smelling their feet and toes, having someone step on their feet, using their feet to stimulate their penis and balls, or rubbing their feet. In foot worship, it can literally be the man at the woman’s feet,” explains sexologist Jess O’Reilly. “It can also include anything that touches your feet, such as shoes, socks, clothing that covers your feet, or ties.”
What causes a foot fetish?
Like anything else that turns you on more than any other part, foot fetishes can appear in a variety of places, and sex experts agree that there are many theories as to what might trigger this particular desire.
Early experiences with feet
“One theory is that we develop fetishes in response to erotic associations. If you had early erotic experiences with feet, your brain and body may have formed lasting erotic associations. This could be considered a Pavlovian response,” explains O’Reilly.
desire to obey
“For men with a foot fetish, the only way to get aroused is by touching their feet, fantasizing about them, or talking about them. Some men have stated that they want to submit to a woman’s feet, lie down at her feet, rub, touch, smell, and lick her feet and toes,” explains clinical sexologist Dawn Michael, Ph.D.
disgusting feet
“Another theory suggests that foot fetishes may have more to do with disgust. As your level of arousal increases, your disgust instinct becomes less sharp and you no longer react as strongly to disgust. This altered state of awareness allows one to engage sexually with objects that would normally be offensive, such as feet,” explains O’Reilly. “The taboo element of this theory is consistent with dominant cultural messages about sex. Sex is naughty, dirty and shameful. Foot fetishes may be one outlet for reconciling the conflict between experiences of sexual pleasure and negative sexual messages.”
There may be no specific cause
And finally, all experts agree that having a foot fetish is just part of who you are, and may just be part of what turns you on without any particular reason behind it. After all, as O'Reilly points out, one of the most beloved children's fairy tales revolves around an obsession with the one slipper that fits the most perfect foot. Cinderella. “Feet have a long history of romantic and erotic associations. The story of Cinderella tells the story of her perfect little feet fitting into glass slippers. “Many cultures have a history of emphasizing foot size as a sign of feminine/masculine attractiveness,” she says.
What are some common misconceptions about foot fetishes?
Despite being the most common fetish, there are still unfair misunderstandings and stigmas about being attracted to that part of the body. But it's important to break these stereotypes. That way, more people will know exactly who they are and feel empowered to have the types of sexual experiences they rightfully want. As Singer points out, people with foot fetishes are not classified as “perverts.” Instead, the point is that they, like everyone else, have preferences that are less common than traditional choices. “Like all fetishes, it is linked to a trigger that triggers libido, as are other types of ‘non-fetish’ sexual activity, such as an arousing partner,” she says.
Another myth that Michael points out is that foot fetishes are usually temporary and not something you grow out of. “Like most fetishes, once they get stuck in the brain, they become a stimulus for arousal,” she explains. Singer also adds that a foot fetish is likely to last a lifetime, especially if the fetish is traditionally ingrained in the body and mind at a young age. “People with sexual fetishes, including feet and shoes, often remember their fetishism starting at a very young age. In the case of a foot fetish, this can often be traced to an event or situation where looking at or touching feet or shoes is paired with sexual arousal. Although psychologists and psychiatrists have little agreement about the exact ‘wiring’ of this or any other sexual fetish, it is a powerful and often life-long phenomenon,” she explains.
How do you talk to your partner about your foot fetish?
If you're interested in someone long-term, and potentially even marriage, it's important to be honest about who you are emotionally, personally, physically, and sexually. Having this conversation can be incredibly difficult, and even more so for someone you've been with for a long time but haven't yet opened up about. That's why it's important to be detailed, specific, and honest. But take it slow and keep things simple, Singer advises.
“For men who want to let their partner know that they really like him, it's best to approach the topic gently at first. Many women get goosebumps just at the thought of someone kissing their feet or sucking on her toes. One fun way to start a topic is to watch a movie. Kinky bootsis a funny 2005 British comedy that tackles the whole topic of sexualizing feet and shoes in a very funny way,” advises Singer. “This can then lead to a light foreplay session where the man gives his partner a foot massage and then moves on to foot kissing and toe sucking. He will know very quickly what her reaction to this will be and act accordingly.”
O'Reilly also says that giving compliments and starting small with sexual activity is an easy way to start.
“Praise your feet! Foot massages are provided. Let them know that their feet are beautiful and interesting, and that touching them makes them feel comfortable and excited. “Then tell me exactly what you want done to your feet,” she suggests. “A partner with whom you are sexually compatible is not going to judge you, even if they don’t like it, even if it’s a little uncomfortable. They will try to understand your desires and together you can negotiate how your desires are reflected, at least in part, in your sexual repertoire.”
How to Incorporate a Foot Fetish into Your Sex Life
The first and most important step is to accept your fetish as a human being. This may mean talking to a therapist or interacting with other men with foot fetishes to become more familiar with your sexual desires. “Own it. Don't apologize. Don't be shy. You are perfectly normal. You don’t have to apologize for your natural inclinations and desires,” says O’Reilly. And get online! We have support communities and sharing sites designed just for you. Captivate your mind and let it wander.”
Another step? Be very selective about who you date. O'Reilly explains: “Sexual compatibility is equally about being open-minded. It's not about having the same desires, it's about respecting each other's desires. If your partner judges you and is unwilling to follow this judgment (this is their business, not yours), you are not sexually compatible.”
This means you need to respect your partner's boundaries and take things slowly. It's going to be a learning process, especially if she's never been with someone who shares the same fantasies as you. She said, “If she likes to worship your feet then she is all set. She may have to take a more gentle, long-term approach if she is reluctant. If you have a very strong foot fetish, this is something to explore and negotiate early in the relationship and may even be a deal breaker. If you disagree on this issue, you may need to move on because you will be ‘confronting’ each other in your relationship,” she says.
Another fun trick — and it's good for you, too! — She showers her with her gifts. And for you, it's not lace, seductive lingerie or nightgowns, it's shoes. Or a pedicure. “Sometimes give her a treat like her new shoes! For many women, shoe collecting is the best porn for women, and she will probably appreciate your thoughtfulness,” says Singer.
The biggest goal is to make foot fetishes seem less inclusive and part of a healthy sex life. At the same time, it's about focusing on everything that moves her. After all, your intimate relationships should never be one-sided. “Make sexual play fun and avoid being the target of sexual encounters. This can consist of kissing from top to bottom and foreplay ending with feet. You can also massage your feet with warm soybean oil and give them a foot massage. It’s good for her and it’s part of foreplay for you,” explains Michael. “If you like submissive foot play, be her pet for a day, lie down in front of her feet and massage them, smell them, lick them and touch them. And let her step on you sometimes if she wants. I would recommend this type of play with a woman you know and are comfortable exploring different ideas with.”
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