At SexHealthMatters, we frequently discuss how cancer and its treatment affect sexual health. (See the link at the bottom of this post for more information.) Often, a supportive partner plays an important role in sexual recovery after cancer. Typically, your partner has been there from the beginning and has some idea of what to expect going forward.
But what if you're single?
The idea of dating after cancer can seem overwhelming. This is especially true if you've been out of the dating scene for a while. But there's no reason you can't enjoy a satisfying dating and sex life as a cancer survivor.
Go step by step.
Are you ready?
Dating probably wasn't your top priority during cancer treatment. And it may not feel good at first. it's okay. The timetable is up to you.
Don't rush into dating because you think you have to. There is nothing wrong with waiting if it feels right to you. However, if you have the desire to date or meet someone you are interested in, there is no reason not to date.
meeting partner
In the age of 'swipe right' and 'swipe left' dating apps, finding a potential match might seem easy. But sometimes that's not the case.
Some people use dating websites specifically for cancer survivors. This way, they can also meet people who can better understand what they are going through.
However, meeting your partner the “traditional way” can also be effective. Instead of focusing solely on dating, just have fun. Take that cooking class you've been thinking about, join a Scrabble club or cosplay group, or volunteer at something you're passionate about. You may or may not meet your partner. But you'll likely make friends who can later introduce you to others.
Talking About Cancer
When should I disclose my cancer situation to my new partner? The answer is up to you. Some people like to discuss cancer early in a relationship so their partner knows. Others prefer to wait until they get to know their new partner better. It's entirely your choice.
If you're nervous about the conversation, think ahead about what your partner needs to know and what questions they might have. You don't have to reveal more than you think, but preparing ahead of time can help the conversation go more smoothly. Write down what you want to say or practice the conversation with a friend.
Seeking support from fellow cancer survivors can also be helpful. Ask your doctor or look online for groups that meet in your area. Peers can share their own experiences with dating and cancer and offer tips for discussing cancer with partners.
become intimate
Cancer and its treatment can take a toll on your sex life. Men may have more difficulty achieving a firm erection. Women may experience discomfort during sexual intercourse due to vaginal dryness. People often struggle with body image after treatment and worry that they will become unattractive to sexual partners.
Don't hesitate to ask your cancer care team about treatment options for sexual problems. For example, erectile dysfunction can be treated, and vaginal lubricants and moisturizers can relieve discomfort during intercourse.
You may also consider seeing a sex therapist who specializes in cancer treatment. A professional can help you navigate these changes, restore your sexual self-esteem, and provide practical suggestions for you to try in the bedroom.
When you're ready to get intimate, be honest with your partner about sexual issues. If you're self-conscious about your surgery scar, be open about it. If you're uncomfortable with a particular sexual position, suggest an alternative. If you need more time to get aroused, explain the situation and let your partner know how you like to be touched.
Perhaps your partner will appreciate your openness and reassure you that everything is okay. Remember that your partner wants an intimate relationship you.
If the problem is not solved…
Don't give up if your first date attempts fail. Sometimes people just don't click. This is true regardless of whether someone has cancer or not.
Don't let cancer keep you from having satisfying relationships. Try again when you're ready.
To learn more about cancer and sex, see the following links:
Female cancer survivors and sexual health issues
Cancer and Sex: Questions for Providers
How cancer affects a woman's sex life
How does cancer affect men's sexual health?
Enjoy intimacy despite sexual pain and discomfort
resource
CancerCare.org
“Dating and New Relationships: During and After Cancer”
(Last update: June 5, 2019)
https://www.cancercare.org/publications/293-dating_and_new_relationships_during_and_after_cancer
NextAvenue.org
Star, Rihanna
“Dating After Cancer: How Men and Women Navigate Their New Reality.”
(July 10, 2019)
https://www.nextavenue.org/dating-after-cancer-men-and-women/