A member of our team, Amy, recently thanked me for my dating advice.
me? Dating advice?
I mean, I was never a dater. Perhaps some of that was the result of not knowing anything about my sexual orientation for so long. To be honest, I've had precious few dates.
That said, one of the few previous dates lasted more than 40 years. Maybe I should be in the dating advice hall of fame!
Probably not. But seriously, I've never given Amy any dating advice. So what was she talking about?
she explained. Amy was working one day, and she was captioning a master class for the Nonprofit Leadership Institute.Perfect fundraising lunch” And then she realized it was full of advice she could use on her upcoming first date.
I immediately wanted to know two things…
- What was your dating advice?
- Did she go on a second date???
Shall we find out?
5 lessons that apply to both fundraising and dating
1. Be intentional about your location. I encourage passionate fundraisers to make very intentional choices. where For lunch. It doesn't have to be the best location, but it does have to meet certain criteria.
- Quiet but not too quiet
This is going to be a conversation and you both need to hear every word. Too quiet? Is there anyone there? That means you picked a restaurant that no one goes to and the silence is going to feel really awkward.
- You can make a reservation
Waiting for a table is a waste of time and makes everyone very nervous. You'll either be told how long the wait will be or you'll be surveying tables from afar. “Oh, I think that table just got a check.” Not a very exciting conversation.However, gathering to drink coffee is also problematic. Who is ordering and how long do I have to wait to order and pick up? There are too many variables.
- Various menus
You just want to avoid preliminary conversations that aren't very interesting. When you have a limited number of questions to ask before Lunch Date I don't want to waste time finding out if my lunch date has a peanut allergy.
2. Pre-select your order. This is one of the most important parts of my advice (that's why it's important to choose a location in advance). The most determined people I know find the menu hilarious. And in situations like dating or fundraising, you want to feel confident when you meet someone for the first time, right?
Instead, I stare blankly at the menu and ask the absurd questions that are endlessly asked during lunch.So what is it? you are?”
There are too many problems here.
First, do you want to seem so indecisive that you ask a complete stranger what they are eating? Why will that happen next time? problem What do they have? Third, you start playing a game I call “menu ping pong.” That's the worst case scenario. It's a waste of time and feels bad for both of you.
“So what are you eating?”
“I haven't decided. “How about you?”
“I’m trying to decide between Caesar salad and veal liver.”
“Oh! Veal liver! That’s interesting (no, not really). Do you think this shrimp tastes good?”
“I don't know. I've never had shrimp here, but they're delicious at X Restaurant across town. Actually, I've never tried calf liver here either. “Do you think I should just buy a salad?”
“X is a really nice place. I've never had shrimp there. I'll have to try it. “But I don’t see shrimp on the menu.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
I'm just annoyed writing that. You have limited time (50 minutes is a reasonable time) to start building a relationship and make sure it's a good fit, so why waste 5-10 minutes placing an order? Nooooooooooo!!!!
So go to the menu the night before and make your selection. I don't think you can go wrong with Chicken Caesar. Then you can stop worrying and be decisive at lunchtime.
Three other quick points:
- Don't tell anyone you pre-selected. It may seem strange. Some things people don't need to know.
- Don't order anything that requires you to slurp.
- Avoid spinach, or worse, seaweed salad. Even if the item doesn't get caught in your teeth, you'll think it does and you won't be your full self at lunchtime. And it would be nearly impossible not to stare at it on a lunch date.
3. Ask open-ended questions. What I like is, “Tell me who you are.” It gives you the opportunity to field questions in a variety of ways on a lunch date. I can learn what they like, who they like, their interests, and their personality.
You have the opportunity to learn about the person, hear what is important to that person, and determine whether that matches what is important to you.
4. Plan ahead how you will answer the same questions. What do you want your lunch date to know about you (or, in the case of a fundraising lunch, about yourself)? and work of the organization)?
In either case, think about what you want to say in advance. Is there a story you can organically weave into the conversation that will help your “date” understand you and decide if this will be your last date or your first?
The same goes for fundraising lunches. Prepare two to three stories that really bring your organization's work to life. Choose a story that you think will really connect with the person you are getting to know.
5. Would you like to continue the conversation? Now, as a fundraiser, it has the potential to lead to specific donation requests. I can tell you from experience that this is part of the art of fundraising. In fact, if you're feeling fancy, you can ask for a gift at your first lunch, and I've done so many times.
But in most situations, the goal is to have another meeting. So asking questions like “Would you like to continue the conversation?” is a good way to secure permission for the next time you meet.
Unless, of course, you decide that this person and the organization's work are not a good fit. Remember the passionate fundraiser… It's like a first date.
First, you need to understand: you I'd like to continue the conversation. That way, questions like “Would you like to continue the conversation?” can feel smoother and easier. And your tone of voice and nonverbal expressions will tell you whether “yes” actually means “yes.”
So what about Amy's first date?
Armed with my expert dating advice, you might be wondering how Amy got a second date? It sure did!
First, here's some great bonus advice that Amy felt was important for me to share. Be positive and enthusiastic – it’s contagious!! No matter what happens next, you want your lunch date to be a fun time together.
Okay… about Amy's date…
Well, she actually secured $25,000 in gifts for local charities!
no. It was a joke.
She followed steps 1-5 and brought a very bright personality. She ordered a Caesar with grilled chicken. As far as she knew, no food had fallen on her knees or between her teeth. She was really happy that she got to think about what she wanted to say, and her date loved the open-ended question, “Tell me who you are.”
I think they both liked that. They both decided they wanted to get to know each other better and they actually had a second date!
Is there a moral to this story? Oh, I guess so.
Passionate fundraising is about being intentional and building relationships. It couldn't be simpler.
PS My first date with my wife wasn’t like this. And that's all you get from me.