BDSM sex involves one partner being dominant and the other partner submissive in sexual activity.
Dominance and control – these are the dynamics that form the spirit of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) sex. In this form of sex, one partner takes on the more dominant role, while the other takes on the submissive role. Although this may seem a bit unnatural, many couples enjoy engaging in BDSM sex. The American erotic romantic drama 'Fifty Shades of Grey', which depicts a sadomasochistic relationship between a couple, has greatly aroused people's interest in what BDSM sex is.
Some people may already be engaging in what are called light BDSM activities. This may include light spanking, role playing, use of blindfolds, hair pulling, etc.
About 47% of women and 60% of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, according to a study cited by the American Board of Sexology. Although this sexual behavior has been found to be more prevalent among LGBTQ couples, many people of different ages, genders, and ethnicities have also adopted it.
People love BDSM sex not only because it helps build trusting relationships, but also because it improves mood and enhances relationships. However, there are some unspoken rules and regulations that must be followed when it comes to BDSM sex. To understand the dynamics of BDSM sex, Health Shots reached out to sexual health expert and psychologist Anu Goel, who explains the dos and don'ts of BDSM sex.
What is BDSM sex?
BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, and masochism. An umbrella term that describes sexual orientation and behavior that may include whips, chains, handcuffs, blindfolds, etc.
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- Restraint This refers to one partner using ropes and handcuffs to restrict the other partner's movements.
- discipline It's about the rules and regulations agreed upon by both parties.
- dominance It is an act of exerting physical control on another person.
- submit This refers to one partner complying with the wishes of the dominant partner.
- sadism and masochism It is the pleasure one feels from seeing the other person being dominated or even in pain. Causing pain to the other person is sadism, and receiving pain is masochism.
According to a study published in Springer, bondage is the favorite sexual activity of 85% of women in the kink community (a group of people who enjoy sexual fetishes and kink). Another study published in The Journal of Sex Research suggests that this power exchange is sexually arousing for many people.
What are the benefits of BDSM sex?
1. Improved enjoyment.
Any kind of bondage can increase the intensity as well as sexual pleasure, says Anu Goel. The Journal of Sex Research cites a study that claims BDSM can put you in a mental state called subspace. This is the space of consciousness you are in when you suffer. This opulent space seems to be the purpose of BDSM sex, which can be defined as the intensification of sexual pleasure, starting from the discussion stage and ending with pain.
![woman with restraints woman with restraints](https://images.healthshots.com/healthshots/en/uploads/2024/04/01151317/BDSM-sex-1-370x207.jpg)
2. Building trust
It helps develop trust and honesty between both partners when engaging in BDSM sex. “When I practice BDSM, I feel vulnerable. Couples need to give up or take control themselves, which also helps strengthen the relationship,” says Goel.
3. Helps heal trauma
A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that BDSM can help heal trauma, PTSD, and abusive pasts. “Power dynamics are another area that couples can focus on while engaging in BDSM sex. Taking control in the bedroom can help couples carry this out in other areas of their relationship,” says Goel.
4. It can improve your sexual and mental health.
A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who practice BDSM experience less distress in sexual functioning. In fact, BDSM can actually lower anxiety levels. Consensual BDSM promotes role-specific altered states of consciousness, according to the study, titled: A Pilot Study.
How do you have BDSM sex?
There is no set way to practice BDSM. You can experiment as you go. “Things like power play and role play come into play in BDSM sex. People may use restraints, handcuffs and even sensory deprivation such as blindfolds,” explains Goel. However, there are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Prepare well and prioritize consent
Safe BDSM sex requires both partners to be well prepared and consent to this form of sex. “You could consult a professional, read up on bondage sex, or even watch a video before trying it,” explains Goel.
2. Set strict rules
Rules, safe words, boundaries and prohibitions should be discussed and decided upon by the agreement of both partners. “Mutual consent for all aspects of BDSM sex is very important and should be taken very seriously,” says Goel.
![handcuffs and strawberries handcuffs and strawberries](https://images.healthshots.com/healthshots/en/uploads/2024/04/01151425/BDSM-sex-370x207.jpg)
3. Stay safe
Both partners should agree on what they are comfortable with. Physical and emotional safety are paramount here, Goel says. Nonverbal signals, such as tapping, should be discussed in advance.
4. Be careful of restraints
Both partners need to know how to use BDSM tools. If handcuffs are used, both partners must know how to open and close these restraints. You should keep a handcuff key or scissors handy, especially while trying new positions.
5. Take your time
It's very important that you have fun while doing it. So don't rush. “Start with the handcuffs and see how you want to proceed,” says Goel.