Often thought of as a solo act for the privacy of the bedroom, masturbation is an essential pillar of your self-care journey, but it's also a powerful way to communicate your desires and connect intimately with your partner. Far from being a solo session, giving yourself a hand during sex with a partner can be a great form of foreplay and can even mix things up. Actually according to tResearch conducted at the University of Southampton, couples who mutually masturbated weekly had higher sexual satisfaction and self-esteem. Are you a beginner in mutual flirting/jigging? If the idea of sharing things you normally do alone with your partner seems quite daunting, or even a little embarrassing, we've created this handy guide to help you get along.
What is mutual masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is when you pleasure yourself or both masturbate together while your partner watches.
Why masturbate when you can just have sex?
Good question! Being in a relationship doesn't mean masturbation should be banned. In fact, masturbation can be a sexy way to make your partner feel less at risk and take the pressure off of them to perform. Giving pleasure through penetrative sex can feel intimidating or, at times, like a chore. This is especially true in the following cases: Struggling with low sex drive. Mutual masturbation is a great way to focus on the experience. Observing each other, appreciating the longing for their bodies and how their bodies respond to their touch (and saving mental tips for later!) ultimately increases intimacy. In addition, we heard from many people who live in our community. Vaginismus Alternatively, vulvodynia means that enjoying penetrative sex with a penis or sex toys can be very painful and difficult. For some people, mutual masturbation has become a painless way to maintain and enjoy intimacy with their partner.
How to ask your partner about the possibility of mutual masturbation
First and foremost, you should discuss the possibility of mutual masturbation with your partner to let them know you're interested. This is best done in an environment outside the bedroom. This is when the pressure is off because it is not being connected. Communicating your desires with your partner can be scary or thrilling. Especially if it's something new and different. What are the best tips from our in-house sex expert?
- If you and your partner usually masturbate alone, be open-minded, be compassionate, and don't go all out. You can start by asking them about their personal habits and slowly bring up the conversation that you might be watching them while they do it, or you can emphasize why the experience of masturbating or watching them masturbate together is something you want to share. This can be a great way for both of you to feel better, maintain balance, and discuss what you want to do.
- You can also bring in the show and tell aspect. If you've seen a porn video or an erotic audiobook about mutual masturbation, you really If you enjoyed it, you can show it to them with their permission and have the opportunity to express interest in recreating it.
- You can also emphasize that this is a learning experience for both of you. Not only do you pick up the tips, tricks, or touches that your partner uses to start doing things for themselves, but you also enable them to do the same for you. The goal is to develop a greater understanding of each other's pleasure points.
- If you and your partner are already into a little flirtation during sex or foreplay, there may be a natural point where you feel safe and comfortable being honest about your desires. For example, you might ask, ‘Show me what you do when you think about me.’ Remember that it is important that consent to engage in sexual activity is clear, positive, and ongoing.
Choose the right location that suits you both.
What worked for the more self-conscious members of the HANX team: Instead of thinking of the act as masturbation. for Your partner, think of it as masturbation. with Partner instead. Start by lying side by side on the bed in the position you usually enjoy when masturbating alone. As you get a little more comfortable, you may want to explore other positions that allow you to enjoy angles that your partner might not normally understand. If watching feels too much or too direct (hello, performance anxiety!), try blindfolding each other and listening to your partner masturbate while touching himself.
You may also consider whether to use toys. Talk to your partner ahead of time and choose toys that will enhance the experience for both of you. For example, a clitoral suction toy Cindy Small and quiet, yet powerful. That means it doubles the fun, but doesn't get in the way (or intimidate those who are new to the world of bringing toys into partner play).
Include some dirty talk.
You don't have to go overboard with 1980s porn while talking dirty, but it can encourage your partner if you say what's on your mind at the moment. You can encourage your partner by telling them how much you love watching them, how sexy they look, and how excited you are. We can't stress enough how audio apps like Dipsea and Ferly can inspire some non-offensive raunchy chat, too! Try not to get into your head. The more you think about dirty talk, the more awkward it becomes. The best advice we can give you when it comes to dirty talk is to keep it simple and don't overcomplicate it.
Go out and reach out to each other.
Mutual masturbation is a very stimulating and liberating experience that can bring a new level of intimacy to your relationship. From helping your partner relax and enjoy themselves, it can also help them become more comfortable with their own desires and needs. Trying something new in the bedroom (or wherever you like) can add some excitement to your sex life and can be a fun new way for you and your partner to connect. Bonus: Mutual masturbation is a really useful tool for teaching your partner how to pleasure you and keeping the fun times coming. We can't think of a better bonding experience for a couple than a good masturbation session… Now go out and reach out to each other!