A woman turned to the internet for advice after arguing with her father over a piece of art.
The story, posted on an anonymous forum, included a drawing made by the woman's son that sparked difficult family conversations.
The OP's initial post (aka the “original poster”) was rather short, but she went on to engage in a variety of meaningful conversations in the comments.
Read on to see how the whole thing played out.
OP said, “I showed my son’s drawing (a realistic polar bear, really good) to my dad, and he responded, ‘I don’t think I was able to concentrate while I was doing this.’” “My son is 9 years old.”
“It triggered so many things,” she explained. “I grew up in an environment like this. Nothing good can ever happen. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: 'Learn to call a spade a spade. Having the courage to say when it's not. Learn the law, you don't have to sweet talk to please anyone, including my children and grandchildren, you can take it or leave it.'
“I sent him a post about conditional love and how it affects kids and told him no wonder I was so messed up. Now I'm second guessing,” the OP wrote in conclusion.
As you might expect, the majority of commenters supported the OP, but that doesn't mean they didn't have a lot of questions.
“NTA [Not The A–hole] – But keep the father away from the son at all costs. It's clear that he had a negative influence on you as a child. You wouldn’t want him to do the same to your son,” one Reddit user wrote.
“My mom is really attached to her kids. If I go NC, she’ll break down.” [no contact] And let Dad handle it on his own,” OP responded.
“But why do you still try to hang out with him even though he is toxic and always has been? Are you exposing your child to the same toxicity you experienced growing up?” Another commenter argued:
“He wasn’t that bad,” she explained. “I don't know if it's my age or what, but even my mom is scared to talk to me when she's upset. We live in different cities, we can't contact each other, my kids are so attached to their mom, and she doesn't care about them. to..”
“There is a problem with you and your understanding of this matter. But there is no need to make any further efforts to correct your father's behavior other than showing him the article. If he continues to be this mean to your son, his emotional well-being will be affected.” “I will ban you from seeing your son to protect him, and he can take it or leave,” advised another.
“Thank you. Indian parents will feel guilty for not taking care of them when they get older and you should be there for them,” the OP said, reiterating his reticence to change anything.
When another person asked her why she was still “in a relationship with this guy?” She responded, “He gives the kids gifts, gives them everything, etc. And then he says this, it's always been that way. The family has to be perfect even if it's all broken.”
This response inspired one Reddit user to ask: “Does it help your child's mental health if you give them gifts now and then? Put them before their mother and have no contact with their father. They can play without their father. Mothers are adults.”
“She won’t,” the OP wrote. “He has complete control over everything she does. And she is financially dependent on him.”
“Does your dad compliment other drawings your child has drawn? As an artist, it has been helpful for me to have had my family give me positive and negative feedback on my drawings, which has helped me improve. In fact, the people who have taken my drawings most seriously have not. “If your dad says 4 drawings are great and 1 is distracting, that may be more useful than saying they're all perfect,” suggested another. “Your child is talented, and if he pursues art, he will receive a lot of criticism from the art world. If your father is more constructive (not necessarily complimentary) than criticizing, that is a valuable experience. “
OP responded, “Thank you for that perspective.” “He thinks highly of him and is very proud of him and shares his drawings with everyone. But I don't want my son to be a trophy grandson that he can show off without appreciating him as a person. That's fear.”
“Look, you are a parent. It is your responsibility to protect your child. Never let this person near your son again, and tell him what his grandfather said negatively to him in the past. The saying is alive and well, as you already know, your hair will last forever,” one Reddit user wrote.
“And that hurts,” the OP admitted. “Growing up, my mom was much worse and expected me to be perfect, and I used to walk on eggshells because she was always mad. At the time, my dad was like a safe space. He would get angry and I would still do what they wanted. “He’s so much better than my mom, and now I’m healing from a lot of things, so I feel like I react too quickly when they say something.”
“Why would you expose your son to such an attitude when you know what he is like? Why would you show his drawings to your father? Are you still trying to get his father's approval?” Added another one.
“My son wanted to share it with his family. And he's very shy, so this reaction is really terrible,” she explained.
what do you think?