Trauma can manifest itself in unexpected ways. Have you ever thought that it would become the mainstay of your business? In a world where we're taught to keep our work and personal lives separate, it can be especially shocking when trauma makes a cameo at work. As a heart-centered businessman who loves his boss (i'm so funny), “BIG T and little t” I was shocked when I realized how trauma still affected me.
In this story, trauma begins in childhood
My first experience of abuse was when I was three years old. It started a lifelong unhealthy relationship with men. And as the youngest of three daughters, there were mixed messages I received from a Latina family. Even though the community was primarily comprised of women, a few men were treated like kings. People even called my father “Number One.”
Our parents wanted to empower us with messages like “Be a leader, not a follower.” At the same time, we were told: “The family business is here to stay.” They are then rewarded for keeping quiet and smiling. At the time, we didn't know about toxic positivity or the dangers of keeping secrets. But we couldn't embarrass our family.
Abuse Comes in All Forms
A few years later I found a job as a sales professional in the travel and hospitality industry. Now I am told to smile, please people, and keep quiet if it doesn't help the business. Men in positions of power would look at me like I was prey. I just laughed because of the trauma. They will say something inappropriate that will embarrass you. And it will definitely shock their wives.
Other people made racist comments to me, about me He had a smile on his face and spoke in a happy tone, as if I had told a joke. After leaving a company, a male executive said to me, “I created you. Before us you were nothing.” Another person called me every morning and afternoon during Christmas week to see if I had sold anything. Not because I mentioned I was close to one. It's simply to annoy me and remind me who's in charge. As you can imagine, I was the only salesperson who called on December 23rd.
These men used their words and power to reduce me to the smallest figure. They then promoted or hired equally or less qualified white women to keep me in “my place.” The abuse was nothing new to me, so I just accepted it. Somehow I thought it was my fault.
White men were not the only perpetrators, nor were they the only gender to abuse their power. Don’t you think the latter deserves another blog post?
Is the customer really always right?
In the people-pleasing business, things can get murky. When your best customer lays his hands on your booty after a few drinks at dinner, you have to decide whether to give up the account or just throw it away. So I have to choose whether to get respect or a bonus.?
Or when you're on a sales trip and a potential client mistakes you for drinking for a date, even though he clearly knows the coolest guy on the planet waiting for you in Boston. Then he gets angry when you want to leave. He said, “Did you even call your boyfriend?” He tries to order you another drink to appease you, and comments on how beautiful his heels make your legs look. I told him to call an Uber to the hotel, but he wouldn't let me and asked me to drive. He's an important customer… I can't ruin it. He then starts driving slowly down the alley, leaving you wondering if he'll ever come back.
Where to Get Help
What if I had someone to talk to and their only role was to support me? Although I am not a therapist or counselor, you can see that I am committed to providing that support. But someone who cared about my professional life, my growth, and my mental health. This is someone who has no stake in the internal dynamics of the company. The person who didn't require me to fill out the paperwork ended up being told that management “didn't mean it” with no repercussions other than my inconvenience. Perhaps that trauma pattern was discovered early in my career.
Now imagine a coach teaching his team members how to set boundaries. Understand the nuances of the service industry, be considerate of individuals, and I also want to succeed in business. If a company offered this level of support, wouldn't you want to stay longer?
Deloitte recently shared: “Coaching culture is the practice most highly correlated with business performance, employee engagement, and overall retention.” Companies viewed as high-impact leadership organizations “We invest 1.5 to 3 times more money in management development than our peers.” According to a study by the Center for American Progress, companies with highly engaged employees Generate 21% more revenue.
Are you ready to make positive change?
Now I am a business owner and the trauma still follows me. Here I run a business I'm proud of, live a professional and personal life that aligns with my values, and do good in the world. But these people still live in my subconscious. It's because of them that I unconsciously do small things. Because when I grow up, I have to face my abusers. Not the people who directly hurt me, but the cis heterosexual white men in positions of power that I see as threatening my safety. That's it for today.
I took the brave leap this week and posted this as an article on LinkedIn (minus the extra information for you all). I originally intended to post this as a blog post on my website, visible only to the Travel Can Heal community. It was really scary and I definitely had a vulnerability hangover. Are you at risk of being ostracized by potential customers or partners? maybe. But are those people people I want to work with? You know the answer to that. If we want to create healthy workplace cultures, mental health, and happy lives, we need to stop this silence. Will you be brave too?
My radiance was able to shine through my healing journey, my time on the wellness journey, and the opportunity to communicate with healers. You can find joy in your company, find expansion in your role, and feel like yourself more often. If you feel like taking care of yourself, your business or your team, I'm here to help. Let's change the world.