4 Rules to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection
teaThe goal of all communication is to connect. Some people are super communicators. This means that when you talk, you are in sync with the person you are talking to and constantly adjust your communication style to fit in with your peers.
in super communicator, Charles Duhigg explores how we communicate and connect. He explains why our communication sometimes goes wrong and what we can do to improve it. He said, “Anyone can become a super-communicator. In fact, many of us could already be super-communicators if we learn how to break our instincts.”
First of all, we need to understand that many discussions are actually three different conversations, and if we want to connect, we need to be “engaging in the same kind of conversation at the same time” with the person we're talking to.
There are practical decision-making conversations focused on what is this really about? There is an emotional conversation that asks How Do We Feel? And there is also a social conversation that explores who we are. We often find ourselves in and out of every conversation as it unfolds. But if you don't have the same kinds of conversations with your partner, there's no chance of you connecting with each other at the same time.
With this in mind, you can see that the most meaningful conversations should have the following characteristics: learn to talk. We want to learn how other people see the world, and help them understand how we see the world, too. Learning conversations are based on: By following four rules:
Rule 1: Pay attention to what kind of conversation is happening
We miscommunicate in many different types of conversations. “To communicate effectively, you need to recognize what kind of conversation is taking place, matching “One another.” When we connect with other people, it's because our brains form a kind of alignment. When we dominate the conversation, we make it difficult for others to synchronize the conversation. They become caught up in their own thoughts.
Effective communication requires recognizing what type of conversation is taking place and matching it to each other.
Characteristics of a Super Communicator:
- they tend to ask 10 to 20 times So many questions
- they are constantly adjusting how Communicated to match partners
Rule 2: Share your goals and ask others what they are looking for.
Every meaningful conversation begins with a negotiation about what this conversation will achieve, how it will proceed, and how we will make choices together.
Matching is understanding someone mental attitude—what kind of logic they find persuasive, what tone and approach makes sense to them—and then speak their language. And we must clearly explain how we think and choose so that others can follow suit.
Rule 3: Ask others about their feelings and share your own.
When you choose to acknowledge your emotions, they become part of almost every conversation. When we acknowledge their feelings, their vulnerability, and are vulnerable in return, we build trust, understanding, and connection. You start by asking someone how they are doing. feel The opposite of their lives noodles of their lives.
Yale psychologist Margaret Clark said: “The best listeners are not just those who listen. They evoke emotions through actions such as asking questions, expressing their feelings, and getting the other person to say something real.”
Laughing is one way to prove that you hear someone's feelings. We demonstrate emotional intelligence by showing that we have listened to people's feelings. And the way to do that is to notice and match their mood and energy. When we match or acknowledge another person's moods and energy, we show them that we want to understand their emotional life. It is a form of empathetic generosity. It makes it easier to discuss. How do we feel?
When dealing with conflict, it is important to acknowledge your emotions. If you don't understand emotions, you'll never know what fighting is really about. “This is the real reason so many conflicts persist. This is not because there is a lack of solutions or people are reluctant to compromise, but because the combatants do not understand why they are fighting in the first place. “They didn’t discuss the deeper topics that fuel the debate: the emotional issues.”
lessons of war
Almost all couples fight sometimes. And whether happy or unhappy, they tend to struggle with the same issues. In most cases, it is important to get the problem under control. Consider the following results:
Researchers have found that divorces are more common after major life changes. One reason is that these changes triggered a feeling of loss of control. It could be an illness (control over your health) or a major upheaval such as retirement or a child going off to college, which makes the future difficult to predict. These changes have left people feeling exhausted, lonely, and anxious, as if they have lost control over their daily lives, their bodies, and their minds.
But scientists have found that happy and unhappy couples try to assert control in very different ways. Among unhappy couples, the urge to control is often expressed in attempts to control the other partner.
But among happy couples, the need for control was quite different. Happy couples tended to focus on the other person rather than trying to control them. Control yourself, your environment, and the conflict itself. For example, happy couples spent a lot of time regulating their emotions. Happy couples also focused on controlling their environment. Finally, happy couples seemed to focus more on controlling the boundaries of the conflict itself.
One benefit of focusing on these three factors – controlling yourself, your environment, and the boundaries of conflict – is that happy spouses can find things they can control. together.
Lesson: Share control.
Good idea: “The world is complicated. You know? If you want to figure it out, do you need another friend?
Rule 4: See if identity matters in this discussion
Our social identity determines how we speak and how we listen. In important conversations, we often get stuck in one identity. But we possess multiple identities and find a shared identity.
in Who are we? As we communicate, we sometimes hold on to an identity. i am your parent or i am a teacher or i am the boss. But in doing so, we cripple ourselves because we begin to see the world only through that one lens. We forget that we are all complex, and that if we think like parents rather than doctors, strangers might ask skeptical questions about the drugs we want to inject into our children. We will remember that asking questions makes us good parents. estimated To do.
so, Who are we? To start a conversation, you need to start by bringing out the different identities of your interlocutors. second. We must treat everyone equally. “Do not give unsolicited advice or brag about your wealth or connections. Find a topic where everyone has experience and knowledge, or where everyone is a beginner.” Finally, we look for similarities and create new groups based on existing identities.
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Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:09 PM
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